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I know full well that the reason I wake up in bushes is due to the fact that I drink copious amounts of bargain basement alcohol, and tend to fall down. Admission is the key to prevention. On the stalker note, please know that I am very Anti-Stalker.
Dating in general is a game. Which is fine with me, because soccer sucks. I had so many questions about relationships, and nothing I had found was easing my troubled mind.
I spent hours in a small canoe getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, dodging gators, and trying to keep my beer cold. When I pulled my boat to shore, sure enough the old man came out of his shack, and waved me up. What am I doing wrong?
I know I am a good guy. I know I can love. I know I can devote myself to someone with a selflessness that rivals Tibetan monks.
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Consider this an inside to my psyche. I went to a deli the other day, and they put the condiments inside the sandwich. When I bit into my sandwich I got a surprise money shot of said condiment. I wasn't ready for that, and I didn't enjoy it. Not only did it ruin my sandwich eating experience, but I ended up spending the rest of the day ing up girls I had dated in the past, and apologizing.
If you are caught serving warm jager, the penalty is death by rat consumption. Whatever happened to chivalry? Especially chivalry that doesn't involve a girl you are trying to bang. People need to lighten up in general, so screw with them. Next time you pull up at a light next to some poor depressed looking schlub, put your fingers at the corners of your mouth and wiggle your tongue at him. He'll enjoy it. I can't play with myself without it looking like I'm getting a hand job from Chewbacca. Well, I say I believe that I've been trying it, at least.
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